I'm not really mad right now just annoyed. It amazes me how much people speculate and assume things about my life all because of a couple of myspace comments. When the truth is they are totally wrong about things. It doesn't really make me mad it just irritates me. This might come across wrong to a few people (I really don't care right now), but I just have WAY to much going on right now to even worry about other people's feelings because they read a few myspace comments and assumed things.
Most people already know that I hit an all time low this last spring. I don't ever want to go back there. Over the summer I did a lot of reflecting on how I got there, ways I can make sure I never get back there, and mainly just a lot of thinking about my life. I thought about all the different time periods in my life, friendships/relationships, and many other things. I realized what relationships/friendships caused problems for me. I like those people there is just something about them that brings some kind of negativity to my life. So I have chosen to keep them at a distance (if that makes since) now if any of them were to call me and needed something I would be there for them. But they aren't the first people I would call if I had a problem. In away I guess you could say that I have guarded my heart from them. Like I was telling Shawn tonight, it has been so up down roller coaster type with a few people that I just don't ever see myself having a deep intellectual feeling type conversation with them. Its more of a surface type thing. Like Hi, how are you, we should do lunch, how are your kids... Don't get me wrong I care about these people, I just don't trust them... Sorry if this doesn't make since... its all in my head and hard to type out... I guess in away with a couple of them it is just easier to walk away and have surface type conversations than to actually deal with a few issues. I have never been one that when an argument or problem arises and both sides end up walking away, that the next day I am able to put it under the rug and act like it never happened. I just can't do it and I just feel like you can't have a real relationship/friendship with someone unless BOTH sides are able to address things.
Anyway, like I said before I don't ever want to be that unhappy again so I refuse to put myself into toxic relationships. I don't even see them as friendships anymore. I would take one best friend over a million surface relationships any day. It is crazy how life changes....
5 comments:
Not knowing (NOR NEEDING TO KNOW) exactly what you are talking about - I have to say I agree!
Even Family can cause so many hurtful or up setting things that sometimes you have to distance yourself from them for self preservation.
However, I do believe in having to actually acknowledge the hurt/pain that was caused - acknowledge my part in it and then pray about it and actually forgive the people or the posion just keeps on slowly killing me! (this is how I have been anti depressant free for almost a year) When I think about a painful memory I remind myself that it is in the past and forgiven.....I must move on! I know family and friends are different because with friends your not "obligated" to see them - where with family you kind of are. But you can guard yourself against allowing them to hurt you again by going into a "visit or time with them" saying "I cannot control how they act or what they say....I can CONTROL how I react or reply to them." Jesus did not avoid the sinners or negative people but he did only allow his chosen few access to his pain or sad moments.
Hopefully at least a little of this makes sense to you!
OH MY GOSH - you have to read Boobs about the MILK! I wasn't even drinking Milk and I nearly spewed it out my nose!!!!!!!
*I agree and it makes since. The first part I have pretty much done, its the second part that is really hard for me to do. My problem is that when visiting with some I just get upset at something said that I just close myself off even more, instead of ignoring it, I ignore them and quit talking. Which I think sometimes just makes things tenser (is that even a word?).
* I read it last night before I went to bed. She never fails to make me laugh!
*I also read yesterdays daily devotion and wow I wish I would have read it first thing yesterday instead of before bed.
Relationships are hard. Thanks you for being so honest while blogging. It was actually very refreshing to hear something "real"!
hey sis just stick to it and it will work, sometimes you have to put you first. Love ya.
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