Life...

Where to begin....
We will start with this last weekend. Friday morning, Shawn and I left for San Marcos to see his parents. For those of you that don't know his parents are moving to the Austin area for a great opportunity. His dad is now residing there and has began working. I drove most of the way down there on Friday while Shawn slept (he got off work at 6 Friday morning). He took over about 1 1/2 out of Austin. I was car sick by the time we arrived. Friday night we ate with his parents and then went to their hotel and played cards. Saturday morning, we spent almost 2 hours at Cabella's looking around. Not my idea of a fun time, but it actually turned out to be. After that we went and looked at a few tour homes. That is my idea of a fun time lol. Then around lunch time Shawn's Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, and her husband arrived. So went and met them to set things up and then went out for lunch. After Lunch the guys went in one vehicle to go drive around the capital go to Cabella's. While us girls hit one of the outlet malls (once again one of my idea's of a fun time :)) We shopped until our feet hurt. Literally, I ended up getting a new pair of shoes, because I forgot to pack my black flats... by that time the guys had met back up with us..and it was dinner time. We ate at the San Marcos River Pub and Grill. It was an awesome time. We had one goofy waiter and I discovered I like Coconut Mojitos. And this is the part I feel really bad about. You see I got this great digital camera for my birthday, but for whatever reason...I kept forgetting about it. I had planned to take several pictures of this trip...but that didn't happen. I did get a few and I will probably upload them sometime this weekend.
Back to our weekend, Sunday morning we met everyone at IHOP for breakfast, checked out of our hotel, and said good bye to the extended family. After they left, we went to the other outlet mall, ate lunch at this Mexican restaurant. It was really good..but for the life of me, I can't remember what it was called. After that we went to Target to get some stuff for his dad. By the time we got back we were all exhausted and it was a couple hours past the time Shawn and I wanted to leave to head home. So we ended up staying with his parents in the trailer Sunday night. We got up early (5 am) Monday morning and headed home. Shawn drove until noon and then I drove the rest of the way. My hands hurt by the time we got home because of the wind. It was horrible! We arrived home at 4:00 to discover our back fence had blown down. Shawn fixed that, washed his patrol car, and then headed to work around 5:30. I had no problem going to to sleep last night with out him. Tonight it is a little bit of a different story. That was pretty much our weekend.

So on to me... It is probably obvious that I am having a little bit of a struggle lately. I couldn't pin point exactly why, but the same day I posted this post, I got two emails from two people who don't even know each other. One was from a girl that is also a special education major at school and another from a girl whose blog I read. They both had very encouraging words to say to me, and they both recommended this book to me. To me it was a sign from God that I needed to read the book. So I began looking at prices and saw that there was also a devotional journal. I ordered both of them. It has changed my perspective on this a lot. It takes me a while to get through a chapter because it really makes me think about things and look at the past. I have had a few people ask me, why or how are you depressed. You see, it wasn't just one thing or person it was several different things. One of those thing being my weight... you see I look in the mirror and all I see is this fat ugly girl. And I ask myself how Shawn can still call me beautiful when I was 20 lbs lighter when he married me. I am bound and determined to change this. I just want to be healthy and fit again. So, I joined Weight Watchers online the day before my birthday. But with my crazy school schedule and our trip this last weekend I haven't really been able to start it, but tomorrow is the day.

Right now some may see me as selfish, but I just feel like right now I have to be. I am focusing on me. It's not that I don't care what it is going on around me, because trust me I do. I just feel like if I take on much more right now, something is going to give and I won't let it that be my marriage or school, so that leaves myself... and I JUST CAN'T DO THAT!
I hope this makes since, if not I'm sorry. I don't there is any other way to explain it.