Some know and some don't know. Let me just say this first...this post is not intended to start a fight. I know those that love me and care for me will want to go up to bat for me, and I truly appreciate it, but there is no need for it. Please do not call me and ask how come I didn’t email or call and tell you about it. Also let me say that there are going to be words shared and you need to understand that these words were words of a broken heart at that time. The reason I am sharing this email is one, so my words do not get twisted around and two it is easier to explain how I felt at the time. Confused yet?
As most of you know last Monday, I posted a giveaway. I had several hits on this blog. Comments that are left on my blog… are emailed to me. Tuesday morning I awoke to an anonymous comment in my email.
From: Anonymous [mailto:noreply-comment@blogger.com]
Sent: Monday, April 21, 2008 9:54 PM
To: sat090404@valornet.com
Subject: [WHOW] New comment on Bloggy Giveaways.
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Bloggy Giveaways":
You make Shawn work and you sit at home on the computer all day that is why you are fat Did you know that if if you got your of the computer you would loose weight You aren't even talented you are just a dumb bit who trys to act smart and causes problems in everyones lifes have you thought about fosucing on yours you make me laugh you go on about your family on this stupdi blog but you never ever give your husbands family the time of day really get a life beisdes this blog.
Posted by Anonymous to WHOW at April 21, 2008 9:54 PM
I was shocked and hurt. I went and woke Shawn up (he worked the night before). He held me as I cried. I think I would have rather been punched or kicked in the stomach than to look at those words. After I calmed down, Shawn went back to sleep. I called a friend to talk. She didn’t answer…but I knew if I emailed her that she would get it and call me. This is what I wrote her… There is one spot where I took my friends name out of this. She is not involved in any other way, than me just needing someone to talk to. I also realize that some of my feelings may not even be the way that others feel about me.
This morning I woke up to my email to find this. I deleted the comment off my blog. Shawn is going to look into it with information off my site meter by looking in the isp address or something like that. I told him I didn’t want to go and just accuse and not have concrete evidence. I don’t even know if I would if I did find out how who it possibly was. Is that what they (the commenter) wanted was for me to break down and make it a big issue? I would like to say that I was able to just look at the misspellings and just laugh, but I didn’t. I cried to the point of throwing up. Now, with Shawn’s help I can look at it and laugh. I say I don’t care if someone doesn’t like me and that it is their loss, but really I wish someone would just tell me what I did do deserve such hatred. Shawn calls it jealousy…. But of what? What do I have that someone else wants??
I do blog about his family and I don’t see how my blog causes problems. --------, sometimes I just feel like locking myself up in a closet, deleting my blog and myspace, probably even turn off my cell phone, put on a fake smile, and just become the quiet person again, you know the girl that goes along with everything. But I also want a family in the next couple of years and I REFUSE to bring a baby in to this world, if I as the mother can’t be strong in keeping my two feet on the ground and stand up for what I believe is right and wrong. I know all that matters is what Shawn says and does, but I really am starting to feel a break and I know it’s from me. I am AFRAID. I don’t know what else this feeling is. You and I both know that it is Shawn not wanting to have contact with them and he is being stubborn in “you don’t call me so I am not going to call you” and I know that by not objecting to it, I am supporting it. I am afraid that when his parents and sister move here that I am going to be told to suck things up and just do it and if not then I will be known as the difficult problem causing one even more so than I am now. I don’t know why I feel that way, because I feel that his mom and Brittney understand and know ME. I think and truly believe that my relationships with his intermediate family are real and genuine. My stomach just hurts and now I just wonder if my nightmares are about to become my reality. I have been praying hard even before this stupid comment was left. I think I told you last week on the phone or maybe the week before how I just feel myself closing up even towards them and its not that I want too by any means. Part of me wonders if God is trying to tell me something or if it is just Satan doing his normal dirty work in trying to bring me down
I have spent the week and this weekend praying not just on the situation and me, but also for this anonymous commenter. I wasn’t going to address it or really talk to anyone else about it, I told Shawn that is what I wanted. We do have it narrowed down to the internet provider of who left the comment. We could take it further…but why? I just want the commenter to know that if you wanted to hurt me and make me cry you succeeded. You turned my world upside down for a few days. I am sorry to say, but I did look at those words and thought…hmmm maybe that is how everyone views me. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it now. I know that not everyone views me as what you described. I am not exactly sure what your intentions were or are, but I do know that I am not going to shut down my life because of your harsh words. In fact, I am inspired to continue to be who I am and strive to be the Woman, God wants and created me to be.
Yes, I have intentionally closed comments on this post. I don't think the comments would become a battle ground, but I don't want to take that chance. Feel free to email.
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